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This paper follows the figure of the ultra-healthy queer masculine subject as a unit of value across online fitness instruction and amateur netporn – two rising vernacular, digital performance genres of the Covid-era. Such performances exploit the vulnerabilities of attention to commodify a disciplined mind as a means toward selling a future-oriented, hyper-athletic, disciplined body. With Covid-19 and HIV/AIDS hovering at the edges of the frame, this paper draws on the queer politics of embodiment and digital intimacies to address disciplinary questions surrounding Performance Studies and its precipitating interrogations into digital media.